


War Crimes and Nicki Minaj

by orphan_account



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: AMERICAS A BARB ??, Crack, Gen, Nicki Minaj - Freeform, War Crimes, barbz - Freeform, how tf do tags work.
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-14
Updated: 2020-12-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:47:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28072689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: After the trio find out that Italy’s a registered war criminal in Hutt River along with 163 other nations, Italy tries to find out where Hutt is so he can excuse him for his war crimes there. However, after Hutt River dissolved, Hutt himself has dissolved… or has he? America swoops in to save the day— by becoming a teen mom.based off the leaked script where it’s revealed that italy’s a war criminal and hutt river fucking dies
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	War Crimes and Nicki Minaj

**Author's Note:**

> now, let me make this clear, this is crack and PLS do not take it seriously. i wrote this in ten minutes and based it off this hetalia wiki article i wrote for shits and giggles. i think it got deleted LMAOO but you can find the screenshots on @romanospissbucket. basically it’s just italy being a war criminal n america being a barb. are we surprised? no.
> 
> btw, if the beginning sounds like it’s the middle of the story instead of the actual beginning, tjats because it is. i’m too lazy to write a beginning. ight yall. ciao!

“Hutt River?” The Italian’s eyes lit up in realization as a lit light bulb magically appeared over his head. “Oh! I remember him! We’ve talked a lot!” 

Germany made a noncommittal noise, the man too busy worrying over his other friend. “Is that so? I didn’t think you knew the micronations, Italy.”

“I sure do!” He chirped. “After I got convicted as enemy of the state for treason, I asked Hutt if he could pardon me…” the man’s curl drooped. “He didn’t.” 

Both Japan and Germany’s head snapped up to meet Italy’s smiling face, a unintelligible noise coming out of both of them. 

Japan swallowed. Then, adverting his gaze, he continued to walk to the meeting room. He had learned not to question his Italian friend.

Meanwhile, Germany was still in a state of shock. How the hell did Italy become a enemy to a micro nation. How- why- when- what?

Before he could begin yelling at his friend, Japan opened the door. Italy bounced over and Germany had no choice but to follow his lead, mind going miles per minute trying to figure out how exactly Italy managed to become enemy of the state in 163 separate nations. Maybe it ran in the family, since a rumor circulated thousands of years ago that Rome had done the exact same thing. Hm.

Before Germany could even move a step further, Japan stopped in his tracks and Italy soon followed. 

“What’s-” The German stopped as well. “W-what?”

“I…” Japan cleared his throat, voice wobbly. “I thought Hutt River dissolved... I came to retrieve you to receive the bad news but…”

America, of fucking course America, had a certain nation under his shoulder. The American proudly answered questions for a MTV TEEN MOM’s crew.

“Oh,” The American turned around to face the trio, a huge grin on his face, “sup dudes! You guys want to be included in my teen mom segment too?”

All the other nations were sitting at the table, with different varying stages of shock. England had passed out- Cuba simply didn’t give a fuck and was smoking a blunt with the Netherlands.

“America,” Germany demanded, face turning tomato red, “what the actual hell is going on right now? Why is there a MTV TEEN MOM’s crew interviewing you? And why is Hutt River-”

Hutt River, who was the nation under America’s arm and currently hissing and swiping at the American like a cat growled at the mention of his name.

“Under your arms?”

America sighed, like if Germany was the crazy one here. “Dudes, it’s not that hard to figure out. After Hutt River was dissolved because he became a broke ass bitch, I decided to spread love and kindness and adopt him!”

Hutt started hurling slurs at America which I can not say here without getting banned in at least 16 different countries. America simply grinned and ruffled Hutt’s hair.

“Remember, Hutt.” The 19 year old said, eyes somehow glowing, “I own you now.”

Hutt lowered his head and muttered a few more slurs.

“But how does that explain- oh.”

“Yup! MTV was pretty intrigued by this so they decided to interview me and my son for their MTV teen mom segment. Isn’t that cool?”

Japan staggered slightly, having to lean on the desk behind him for support.

America turned to the camera crew. “All these bitches are my sons, but whose the daddy?” He quoted Nicki Minaj. It was a well known fact that America’s a barb. 

Italy clapped his hands together. “Oh! America! I forgot to ask! Can you please let me enter your country again? I promise I won’t bomb any more 7-11s~”

Germany had simply heard enough. “I resign.” He said quietly, letting Japan, who he caught after the man passed out, fall to the ground. He slowly walked away.

Cuba coughed. “Ayo, can he do that?”

**Author's Note:**

> don’t give me constructive criticism. please criticize me. ruthlessly. 
> 
>   
> italy’s a registered felon in hutt river for not paying child support btw. and bombing the only government building.


End file.
